#14: Defining “family”

I have relatives, step-relatives, relatives-in-law, adopted relatives and non-relatives who are more family to me than some of my blood relatives. My family can’t be defined by traditional rules. But what about a family in 2012 is traditional? That’s why I get so peeved when people, mostly politicians, try to define for me what is acceptable for a “family.” Please don’t tell me how to love. I can’t even tell myself how to love.

There are a lot of things in life I don’t know or I don’t understand. And after three decades, I still am not certain of everything I believe, think or feel. But the one thing I do know is who I love and who I want to spend my time with. That is family – the people you love, the people you like to be around, the people you rely on. I don’t care if they’re male, female, four-legged or green. They’re family if I say they are.

KC will grow up knowing full well what a family is. It may not be a mother, father and biological children. It may be two men and their dogs. It may be five children with no parents (think Party of Five). It may be three life-long roommates. Frankly, I don’t care – as long as they love and respect each other. And you won’t ever convince me otherwise.

#13: Awkward restroom moments

Hubby has been giving me ideas of things to write about in this blog, and though I appreciate his input, I usually pass on his suggestions. After all, this is my blog about my pet peeves, not his. But this is one I have to agree with him on. Awkward moments in public restrooms has to be one of the worst things that we humans have to endure.

But let’s get this straight – restroom experiences are way different for men than they are for women. I can’t say I’ve ever spent an extensive amount of time in a public men’s room. But according to Hubby, men like to make some very unusual noises on the john. And, it appears, many of them make not-so-comfortable small talk while standing at the adjacent urinal. And babe, I’m sorry you have to go through all that. But let me tell you what women do.

Women like to talk while they pee. Yes, we are in separate stalls and we usually can’t see anything about what’s going on in the other stall, and that’s probably why so many women are OK with carrying on a conversation. But I’m sorry. I cannot let things go while someone is chatting with me. And if I’m in the restroom to begin with, I probably have to go really bad! So please don’t make me hold it. The courteous thing to do would be to let me do what I have to do, and then we’ll chat.

But it gets worse. Women do not poop in public. That just can’t happen. But when it does (because we’re humans), it doesn’t get much more embarrassing than that. So women play this game. They do the obligatory “courtesy flush” which helps to get rid of some of the evidence, but also is a dead giveaway. As soon as you hear that flush, but don’t hear the stall door opening, you know what’s going on. So the offending woman has no other choice but to stay in the stall until you leave, so she can make her escape. And that can get weird if you, yourself, have any reason to stay in your stall. Most women try to avoid this situation all together by stalking the restroom and making a run for it when they think it’s most likely to be empty. Men probably would think all this is silly, but women have to do what they have to do.

Still, as silly as it all sounds, I can say this: most women wash their hands. From what I hear, that’s not the case for the opposite sex.

#12: When your private info isn’t so private

We are constantly bombarded these days with warnings of how and why we should protect our personal information. Identity theft is on the rise and, apparently, a big problem in our country. Yet I am amazed at how few companies give a crap about that. I cannot stand when I call a doctor’s office/insurance company/telephone or cable service, etc. and I can hear other CSRs (that’s a customer service rep, in case you didn’t know) in the background, repeating some poor caller’s information. And I know the same thing is happening to my information. It makes me want to scream “Shut the hell up!” in a desperate attempt to keep my social security number, credit card number and mother’s maiden name private. And you know what’s worse? When I physically go to these places and they clearly display my personal information for all the world to see. One place very recently had me fill out a bunch of papers for their records, then nonchalantly left those papers on the front counter for several minutes while anyone (and everyone) could have come up to the desk to see them. And a doctor’s office that I used to frequent many moons ago used to (and probably still does) have a holding area for patients where things like blood pressure and weight were recorded onto computers. Guess where those computer monitors faced. Oh yeah, straight to the other patients also sitting in the tiny room. So it didn’t matter that we were already repeating VERY PERSONAL INFORMATION (use your imagination on this one) out loud — if the other patients missed any of our most private information, they could just read it right there on the screen in front of them. Made me want to report them to the HIPAA police, if such an agency exists.

I don’t have a solution for this one. I really just chalk it up to businesses not caring about the customer any more. And it’s very sad. And scary.

#11: “Anxious”

I am eager to write this blog about a topic that has made me quite anxious over the years. People overuse the word “anxious” just as much as they overuse “literally.” The problem is, hardly anyone catches it. I would guess at least 90% of Americans do not know the true definition of the word “anxious.” So allow me to provide it for you (courtesy of Dictionary.com):

anx·ious [angk-shuhs] adjective

full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous

So, in other words, if you say you are anxious to go to Disney World, then you must be “greatly worried” that you will be eaten by a mouse. If you are anxious to see your Aunt Martha, then I’m guessing she’s some sort of knife-wielding ninja granny. However, if you are “eager” to do those things, then that means you’re really looking forward to it.

Although, I should say that some people really are anxious about those family trips to Disney World, and I’m usually anxious to see my Aunt Flo.

#10: Businesses that don’t have websites

It’s 2012, people. If your business doesn’t have a website, you must not want to make money. And for the sake of this post, “business” includes schools/daycares, churches, medical offices, apartment complexes and any other establishment that hopes to attract new clients/members/patrons. If I want to find information about you, I will not open a phone book. I will open Google. If you don’t come up in my search, you might as well not exist. So why on Earth do businesspeople still think they don’t need a website?!

To help the web-challenged decide if they need a website, I’ve come up with this quick questionnaire:

• Do you have business hours?
• Do you have contact information (a phone number, an email address, a mailing address, a business address, etc.)?
• Do you offer products or services?
• Would you like to get more business?
• Would you like to make money?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, YOU NEED A WEBSITE! And your site doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy. In fact, you can make an easy, free site using Facebook, WordPress or any of a slew of other sites out there. So don’t delay. Your business depends on it!

#9: College Sports rivalries

I am a die-hard LSU fan (go Tigers!). Not because I was raised to love it (trust me, I wasn’t), but because I spent four of my best years there and earned a degree that has led to a lot of good things in my life. And since I graduated, I’ve seen my Tigers earn two national football championships, fair and square. Yet, no matter how hard those boys worked to get that trophy, people always seem to argue that they didn’t deserve it. The only good reason I can see for their arguments is that they are jealous that LSU has historically had a great football team.

This year, I don’t think anyone is debating whether LSU deserves to be in the national championship game – they had an undefeated season! But still, the “haters” are out in full force, hoping that LSU loses tonight’s game. And why? Like all schools, LSU is not perfect. It does have its problems. But when a team of hard-working college students persevere through the season, winning every single game and making it to the championship game, you have to admire that.

For those who don’t know, LSU is an all-around great school. It has top-notch, nationally ranked programs and the faculty and staff truly care about the quality of education they provide. And it happens to have a really great football team. So tonight, I’ll be cheering for the purple and gold, and I predict I’ll be happy about the outcome.

Go Tigers!

#8: People who don’t get the hint

Sometimes you just don’t want to talk to someone. Maybe you’re busy or in a hurry, maybe you don’t feel so good, maybe you’re in a bad mood or you just got out of a very stressful situation. Or maybe you’re just not interested in the conversation. Either way, it’s hard to be honest and tell the person you don’t want to talk with them. And it’s worse when they don’t get the hint.

I’ve known many people who will talk your ear off, and even follow you around, without realizing that you’re trying to politely sat goodbye. I’ve had to resort to tactics like running to the bathroom, just to get away from them. I know it’s not nice, but these people drive me to drastic measures. I have yet to come up with a good way to get these people to take a hint, but I’ve made it my mission for 2012 to master this skill. Perhaps I’ll start with this list.

#7: Not celebrating half-birthdays

Today is my half-birthday — exactly 6 months from my birthday. My siblings and I used to celebrate our half-birthdays every year, but I’ve since learned that few others do. Perhaps because my real birthday falls in the dead of summer, I always enjoyed celebrating my half-birthday at a time of year when my friends and relatives could actually celebrate with me. But when I’ve tried to explain the joys of half-birthdays to others, most everyone thinks I’m silly. They haven’t had the need to celebrate their birthdays at other times of the year because they never had to experience a birthday when school was out and everyone was on vacation. But I suspect half-birthdays will become an important occasion in my family. KC’s birthday falls at Christmastime, a time of year when I’m sure his birthday will be overshadowed as he gets older. But we can celebrate his half-birthday in the Spring, when school is still in session and people haven’t yet left for summer vacation. And I won’t think that’s silly at all.

#6: “Less Than”

The English language is a complicated language with some complicated rules. It’s very difficult to get all those rules straight, and trust me, I don’t get them right all the time. But I try, because I know using proper grammar is one way to make a good impression (and many bad impressions are made by the use of improper grammar). That’s why I get so frustrated when I hear that something is “less than” something else when, many times, it should be “fewer than.” Here’s Grammar Girl’s explanation of “less” vs. “fewer.” Basically, if you are counting whole items (people, objects), then it’s fewer than. If it’s something that can be expressed in parts or fractions (money, time), then it’s “less” than. I have less than $20 in my wallet. I have fewer than 5 pens in my purse. I will be writing no fewer than 366 blog posts this year, and it will take me no less than 12 months to complete. I probably haven’t made this any less complicated for you, but at least you have fewer pet peeves to read through!

#5: Subject Line emails

I’m a huge fan of email communication, except when it’s not used properly. Problem is, there’s no set standard by which to follow. While just about all students learn how to format a printed letter at some point during their schooling, I don’t believe email formatting classes exist. So let me give you a little tip: the recipient of your email should not have to read your subject line in order to understand the point of your email.

Yes, subject lines are very important. Most people decide whether or not to open an email based on the subject line. But when the subject line is an incomplete sentence that ends in an ellipsis, it makes me not want to read it. I’m not even sure what compels people to do that in the first place, but I can’t explain to you how much it annoys me. I want to open the email and read the entire message inside the body copy. I love a good cliffhanger, but not while I’m waiting for my email to load. If you’d like for me to respond, I suggest you follow this rule, and maybe take some time to read this.